Selecting a Sperm Bank - Part 1

Just a little warning at the beginning:
This is only the first post about how I tried to select a sperm bank because - oh my goodness gracious - is this selection process complicated or what? Like you would not believe! Then again: This is about a future life and the selection process should be complicated... So, if you are willing to listen to my trying to find the right sperm bank, here we go:

Very early on in my journey to become a SMC, I had not the slightest clue what I would be getting myself into. But I guess most people don`t know that in the beginning. So, I started with the SMC network online and I found a list of sperm banks they had posted. I think they even sent me a list when I signed up with them. I started checking out some of the banks but I was so overwhelmed by the amount of information and donors that I did not really know where to start or what to watch out for.

You do what kind of testing? What on earth do these abbreviations mean? Can I select my sperm donor based on his IQ as tested by how fast he understood how to navigate your website?

I was lost. Completely lost.

As I was about to post a cry for help in the SMC online forum, I found a post by another SMC. She had created a spread sheet with information about some of the most popular sperm banks. A lifesaver! Besides the bank's name, internet address and general cost of sperm, the spread sheet compared a number of criteria that seemed to be important to her. This was very helpful for me because it showed how the banks differed from each other without having to read through their entire websites.

Shortly after I found that spread sheet, I met another local SMC for the first time. She told me about the sperm bank that she had selected and why she made her decision (basically because they offered a lot of information for free). After our meeting, I went online and researched that bank. Things looked good and I did some donor searches with the criteria that were most important to me and I got some excellent results. I naively thought:"Great! I found my sperm bank!"

Silly me! Little did I know, this was only the beginning...

During my first RE visit, Dr. Stork ran some blood tests and it turned out that I am Rh negative and CMV negative. It is adviced that if you are negative,  you also choose a donor that is negative. Being negative in one area is rare, but being negative in both areas is even rarer.

When I returned to the sperm bank that my SMC friend had recommended and ran another search with these criteria, it turned out that of the almost 400 donors they had in their catalog, not a single one matched a negative CMV status and a negative Rh status. Since, it is important to me to eliminate any risks for my baby, even the small ones, I did not want to compromise on these issues. So, I could not use that sperm bank.

I was back to square one!

I think this was also about the time that my friend C., who was supposed to be part of my support network, jumped ship. I had kept him updated on my search and I think at this point it got too complicated and frustrating for him. Without trying to make excuses, I think I can understand him. This path to single motherhood has more potholes than you can find in the midwest during spring. There are so many hurdles you have to jump and this is only the beginning. If you are not really dedicated to it, I don`t think you will last very long.

But I was dedicated, and took this little setback as a chance to newly approach the search for the right sperm bank.

Dr. Stork gave me a list of 8 sperm banks that she works with because they follow certain recommendations and guidelines. I eliminated the ones that only worked with couples that provided the sperm for IVF and the ones that had a very poor internet presence/ website or none at all. (Seriously, in this time and age, you can pay a high school student 10 bucks an hour and he will set up a professional looking website for you in no time. How can a national company not afford to hire someone to create a professional internet presence? Do they also keep their files in shoeboxes?).

So, I ended up with four banks, one of which was the bank that my SMC friend had recommended to me, which I had just eliminated. So, there were actually only three left. 
I ran a quick search for these other sperm banks,  and I found that they had about 10-16 donors that matched my CMV and Rh status. Not many options, but at least something to work with. And boy was there still a lot of work to do!


To be continued... here.