Update from Europe

After my IUI#4 failed, I have to decide what will happen next. What will be my plans, what should I do next? Here are some of my options:

a) Stick with my RE, get an HSG and hysteroscopy, and keep on trying
During my last ultrasound, my RE said she saw a tiny polyp in my uterus. She did not think it was big and said she wanted to go ahead with the IUI, but if it did not work out, she wanted to do a hysteroscopy to check out the polyp. I definitely want to get a second opinion about this polyp before I pay for an expensive test. And what if it is a polyp? Do I then have to pay for surgery to get it removed? If she is okay with doing an IUI now, why wouldn't she be okay with doing another IUI later?
She also wanted to do an HSG since this seems to be standard procedure at her clinic if you do not get pregnant after 3 medicated IUIs. the HSG test shows if my fallopian tubes are blocked or not. The usually are blocked as a result of bacteria from STDs. I never had one. There is really no reason why my tubes should be blocked. There are other reasons why I think my previous IUIs did not all work out so well (e.g. the nurse who took forever to insert the cath for the IUI.
So, there are two tests she wants me to do, before she will let me continue on trying. My insurance won`t cover any of the costs and she quoted me about $800 for one test and $500 for the other. Since I have not been to happy with her and her clinic, I am not sure if I will really want to pay that much more money for tests that I am not convinced I will need. Plus, I really wasn`t happy with her and her clinic and the service they provided.

b) Look for a new doctor and continue IUIs with him or her
I was recommended a new doctor and I am almost ready to make an appointment with him. However, if I switch doctors, I will probably have to repeat all the blood screening tests and he might also require an HSG test. There is no guarantee that he will be nicer and things will work out more smoothly.

c) Try ICIs at home.
From another local SMC, I found out that there is one sperm bank that sells sperm without requiring a doctor's signature. I could order sperm from them and try it at home. However, the banks number of sperm donors is not very high and you do not get that much information from them. So, I am not sure if I want to go that route. Plus, it is a little less expensive but not that much. However, the chances to get pregnant are significantly lower than with IUI.

d) Find a clinic in Europe and do IVF there next summer.
I think this would be the best solution at this point, but it is also the solution I worry most about. How can I plan such an important step from a different continent? What if they have requirement (e.g. weight) that I do not meet? Are there hidden cost I am not aware of yet? Is it true that you have absolutely no say in who the donor is going to be? What if work prevents me to come to Europe for the procedure? So many uncertainties, so many questions.

So, I am currently trying to make a decision what to do next.... Even if giving advice is difficult in a situation, any opinions are always highly appreciated.

It is Christmas and I always hoped that I would be telling my parents and family this Christmas that I would be expecting. I had it all planned out in my mind. Instead, my cousin`s wife, the most obnoxious person in the whole wide world, is pregnant... again. Having a really hard time getting into the Christmas mood at the moment....

My dentist knows - kinda...

I have had a slight tooth ache for the past weeks and decided I wanted to go to the dentist before it got worse. Plus, I wanted to get my x-rays and dental treatment out of the way before I`ll get pregnant.

Since I moved last summer, I needed a new dentist and during my first consultation, I told her that I was trying to get pregnant and that I wanted this to be taken care of as soon as possible. I wanted to be honest with her, because I wanted her to act quickly and not let me wait for an appointment for weeks. But also, I did not want to lie.

On the new patient form, I had marked that I was single. I did not wear a ring on my left or right ring finger. During the consultation, she never bothered to comment on me being single and trying to get pregnant. She explained to me that she would get the x-rays done today, but that I could have treatment even during my pregnancy as long as it is not during the final weeks when it gets hard to lie on your back.

However, when I finally got into the chair so that she could check my teeth, the assistant immediately asked me if I had met my husband here, where I live right now. I said: "No."
Then the dentist shot the next question and asked, if my husband was from Europe like I am. I said: "No."
Before I even had the time to explain,  she asked if my husband had the same job as I did. And I said: "No."
And I finally said: "I am not married."

The dentist let out a loud and long "Ohhhh." that sounded more like sigh than a critique. But I did not offer a more detailed explanation.

I am not sure what she thought. She might have thought that I lied to her, or that I was trying to get pregnant with a boyfriend or whatever. It was a weird situation.

I am still trying to figure out what to tell the people around me, when I finally get pregnant. It is a little bit like being gay and coming out of the closet I guess. Maybe this was a little bit like a test run. I usually have no problem sharing my life with others. I am always very open and never shy to even admit my flaws (something that might not be a good strategy in life but I can`t help it).

But this is not a flaw.

I am actually very proud to try to become an SMC. It is one of the most courageous things I have tried in my life - even more so than moving from one continent to another where I had no friends or family and did not speak the language all that well.

I am not ashamed about trying to become an SMC but I know others might not see it that way. My friends were very supportive but not everybody is. Do other people even have to know about this? Even though, it is not a secret, it is also not exactly their business. So, I think, eventually, I will have to come up with a plan who, when and how I will tell people... but not today.