How to Throw a Pity Party

When an IUI does not work out or when you get invited to the third wedding or baby shower in 2 weeks or when you hear that your coworker is pregnant... again... without trying, it is time for a pity party. Here are some tips how to make your pity party a full success:

1. Be prepared.
Pity parties usually come out of nowhere, so be prepared for the unexpected! The question is not, if it will happen but when it will happen. So, being prepared is essential. Every good single household should have at least one emergency pint of ice cream hidden in the freezer. I prefer Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, but Chocolate Peanut Butter from Häagen Dazs will do, too. Calories do not count while you are partying, so do not read the nutrition label. But make sure to hide the ice cream behind some frozen brussels sprouts to avoid cravings when it is not a real emergency. 

2. Plan a time and date for your party.
No kidding. You do not want to break out into a pity party in the middle of a work day. Just like early guests at parties are annoying, so are tears rolling down your cheeks in your office. Set a time and date for your party. And don`t forget: All good things must come to an end at some point and this party is no exception. So, be prepared that the next day, you must be able to pick yourself up again.

3. Don`t worry about the guest list.
There won`t be any guests, but you, yourself and ... well you. Shared misery is only half the misery but the point of a pity party is to bath in your misery. So, if you throw a pity party, you better do it alone.

4. Pick a dress.
The dress code will clearly be grungy and comfy, but even when a girl is down, she can still show some style. Choose yoga pants over sweatpants, and cute pjs over your old college Tshirt. Hoodies with ample pocket room for used tissues make great pity party attire - but pick a cute one. There is a difference between a (pity) party girl and a loser.

5. Food choices.
Besides the emergency ice cream, you should also serve some other food. But do not worry, pity party food does not require any kind of culinary skills. Processed and pre-packaged food is preferable. But be careful before you dive into that random bag of potato chips! At some point the party will end and you cannot afford a food hangover. It is better to opt for food that you deeply desire but never allow yourself to eat. I personally opt for chocolate truffles or milano cookies. You know yourself best and what is good for you. Remember: During pity parties nutritional labels become invalid. One package equals one portion size which equals 0 calories.

6. Bottoms up.
Usually I would say that froofy drinks make great pity party beverages, but when you are trying to conceive, I would rather opt for a non-alcoholic drink. I would say, stick to water or herbal tea. If you dehydrate from all the crying, this will pick you right up again.

7. Location, location.
Your apartment is a great place for a pity party. Don`t try to move it to a public place or a friend`s house. They will not appreciate it. I would recommend your bed or the sofa for your pity party. Hold some tissues, soft blankets and fluffy pillows ready. You will need them. Trust me.

8. Don`t clean up before the party starts.
There is no point to it. Just trow yourself in there. It will be fine, I promise. Dust bunnies are our friends.

9. Select a theme.
Selecting a theme for a pity party can be tricky. Do not go with themes that are too broad like "The whole world hates me" or "Nobody loves me." These kind of parties are too big to handle on your own. They require professional help and should take place on the sofa of a counselor. Rather pick a specific topic like: "Shit, this IUI did not work". The more specific the better to keep the party under control.

10. Music and entertainment.
The right choice of music will set the atmosphere for your pity party. Pick some music that gets you into the right mood. I personally prefer Joni Mitchell, but whatever floats your boat... Remember there will be no dancing at your party, so do not pick any upbeat music. Rhythmically shaking your shoulders while sobbing to the beat of a sad song is as far as it goes during a pity party. You may sing, sob, cry along to the songs but no karaoke, please.
You may also pick a sad movie to watch during your pity party. Watching other people suffer will give you the illusion that you are not alone in your misery without bothering your real-life friends. I like "Ladies in Lavender" but you may pick the movie that best matches your mood. Falling asleep in front of the TV surrounded by empty bowls of ice cream, chocolate wrappers and used tissues is a sign that your pity party rocked the house! Congratulations, your party was a success!

That`s about it and all I got when it comes to throwing a pity party. But wait!!! The party might be over, but your work isn`t: You still have to avoid the hangover!

1. Get up!
Remember to pick yourself up the next morning. Do not stay down. You can do it! Deep down inside, you know that you are strong! The first steps are the hardest, but you can get yourself out of this hole if you keep on moving. With every step you take, it will get a little bit better. Trust me. Whenever you feel down again, tell yourself: The pity party is over.

A little side note: A pity party should not last more than a day. If you feel like your pity party goes on for days or even weeks, it is time to call in professional help in form of a party planner, read: psychologist or counselor. He can provide you with good advice how to get back up going - if necessary with anti-party drugs.

 2. Take care of yourself.
Take a hot shower! Use your favorite shower gel. Do not take a bath since baths let you soak in your own misery. So, take a hot shower and moisturize. Put on some make up that is not waterproof. This will prevent you from crying in public. Choose your favorite clothes and be prepared to look like the strong, fabulous woman that you are. Show your inner beauty on the outside. And smile!

3. Go back under people.
Meet up with friends and colleagues. Do not stay at home, but socialize. Do something fun together that takes your thoughts off your problems. There are so many nice things out in the world. Go and find them!

4. Buy yourself flowers!
They serve absolutely no practical purpose, nobody really "needs" flowers. If you are on a budget, you probably have not bought flowers in a long while. Flowers are things that people cross off their shopping lists as soon as money gets tight. But now it is time to buy yourself flowers. Flowers are therapeutic. You deserve something that you do not need. You are worth it. Flowers reflect the beauty that is inside of you and will bring a little bit of beauty into your apartment. But flowers do not last forever. With every day that your flowers wilt a little bit, be reminded that your strength grows. And by the time they are gone, the world will look completely different again and the pity party will long be forgotten.

5. Pick up the pieces.
Just like you have to pick up the trash the day after your party, you will also have to pick up your life. What is your next step? How are you going to get back on track? Make a list of long-term and short-term goals and strategies to reach these goals. You have fallen off the horse, now get yourself back up there. Every failure makes you stronger.

6. Polish your karma.
It is okay to still feel a little down. Sometimes, we do not succeed picking ourself up as quickly as we would like. But if you cannot make yourself feel better, help a friend feel better.  If you cannot lift your own burden, lift someone else`s. There is so much suffering and struggling in this world, and there shouldn`t be. Find a friend or a coworker who is going through a rough time in life and lend him or her an ear. Do not talk about your problems, but be there for them - completely. Listen, comfort, and lift them up. Helping others always makes me feel better and who knows? Maybe next time, they will be there for you. What goes around, comes around.

And finally:
7. Don`t give up!!!