Bye-bye hope for IUI #2

So, my second IUI did not work out, either. I tested first thing in the morning on what I believe was 14 dpo and I got just one line.

I was kinda expecting that result. The sperm count was just too low. But since I am not very good at emotionally preparing myself for disappointment, it still hit me pretty hard.

I stopped taking the progesterone, but I still feel the "fake" pregnancy signs that progesterone causes, such as the tender breasts etc. I actually feel them a little worse and I am also cramping. It does not hurt the same way as it usually does. It actually hurts worse, but I am not sure, if this is really just AF or my psyche playing tricks on me.

I think; I did pretty well. I went to church today and out for lunch even though all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep. I think all the hoping and disappointment is just exhausting.

I am not quite sure what to do next. After the way my nurse and doctor handled the whole situation, I am ready to find a new RE but since this is not all that easy, I think I have to stay put for now. According to the sperm bank it is supposed to take several weeks for them to investigate the situation and I am not sure if I will ever see a refund from them. So frustrating! I am not sure if I should switch banks, because that is not the first time something did not turn out the ways it was supposed to with them. I am not sure if I should switch donors and if yes, who I should pick next. There do not seem to be any good options, just bad options and worse options. Maybe I need to wait out for a few cycles, but I really do not want to, even though taking a break and losing more weight might be the best solution at the moment.

I am not sure what to do. There are so many decisions to make and they can have such huge consequences. When it comes to picking a lunch choice I already suck at making decisions. How will I ever make the right decisions in this situation? I feel like I am all alone in this. Feeling a little overwhelmed right now...