Upcoming appointment

Tomorrow is my first R.E. appointment and I am so nervous, I do not know what to do with myself. I can barely hold it together.

Since I have never been to an OBGYN or an R.E. before, I have no idea what to expect. I am worried about the exams and tests they will run. I am even more worried that there is some problem and I might not be able to have kids. I do not even want to think about this possibility.

I have tried to think many happy thoughts over the last weeks. I searched for a sperm donor online and read success stories from SMCs who got pregnant on their first or second try without any problems.

But unfortunately, there are not only happy stories out there. For every mom that had a child without problems, there is at least one other mom in the online forum who has tried everything in her power and still cannot get pregnant.

I watched Harry Potter tonight and I feel a little bit like stepping in front of the sorting hat. Tomorrow morning, I hope it will sort me into the sure-you-can-have-kids-without-problems house and not into the sorry-but-you-will-never-have-kids-and-die-alone house. I am not sure what is going to happen if the sorting hat chooses the second house. Since I started this journey, something changed inside of me and I do not think I will ever be able to change back.