I bought it!

I bought my first donor vial today!

When it comes to decisions, I am the worst. I just cannot seem to commit to anything. I am usually the last person that orders at a restaurant. I do not have a favorite food, color, song, movie, anything. I like different things when I am in different moods. When you try to pick the biological father of your future child, that is a bad thing.

Every morning on my way to work, and ever noon when I go on lunch break, and every evening when I go home, I have to walk along a small path in between buildings. Now that it is almost summer, everything along that path is in bloom and the sun, while shining through the trees, paints patterns on that little path. Every day when I walked that peaceful path in the last weeks, it was like a mini-meditation for me. I always meditated about my donor choices. I changed my mind so often that every day, I had a different donor that I thought would be my favorite. Every time day, I thought: "That's it! I found him!" But then, the next day, I changed my mind again. At some point, I came to realize I had to make my peace with one of these donors and come to a decision. For someone who seems to be incapable of making everyday decisions, making an important decision like this one is pure torture.

Last night, when I checked the donor profiles online, I saw that one of my top donor choices was running out of vials. And I panicked a little. I really liked that donor. He had flaws, but all donors seem to have them. I still really liked him. So, I decided to sleep over this for one more night to see if I would really mind if he sold out and I could not use him for my IUI.
It turned out that yes, I would mind. I really liked that guy. So, today, I called the bank and asked if he had any vials left. He had only 3 left. I quickly decided I would buy one of them. Granted the shipping costs would usually mandate me to buy more than just one vial, but for my first try, I just wanted to buy one vial. So far, he has no reported pregnancies but he is also a very new donor. In case it turns out that he has low quality, I want to keep the option open to choose a different donor for the next time. Besides, if this does not work, I will probably wait a few months before giving this my second try and by then, there might be new donors. 

I feel happy and relieved. Later tonight, that donor ran out of vials. There will be more from him in a few weeks, but I am glad, I still got one for my first IUI. I guess the first one is always special.

Let the show begin!